Shades of the Past
by MysteriouslyMe
Summary: When he left, she was left broken. When the world was left devoid of warmth, he defrosted her frozen sheilds of self preservation, helping her piece back together what she had forgotten.


_**Disclaimer: **_**I do not own anything in regards to the Twilight Series, all characters and such belong to Stephenie Meyer. The lyrics do not belong to me either, they belong to the wonderful Christina Perri**

_**A/N: Hi *waves* uhm... I'm sorry I havent updated anything, in like, months, but my USB got stoled or losted or something so I got a little disheartened... Anyway, I'm going to try and update soon, I have a friend who is constantly poking me cuz I haven't finished anything, so you readers out there have someone on your side and on my back :P**_

_**So, while you wait for new chapters for my other stories, here is a oneshot I wrote after listing to Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts. I hope you like it and I recommend the song mentioned whilst reading if you so want. ^^**_

_**I also want to thank the awesome Lici-Child who helped to poke me into productivity and proofreading before I posted *pats the Lici on the head***_

_**Lici-Child: THAT"S DEMEANING!..and you messed up my hair -.-**_

_**MM: *cackles* it brings me great joy to displease you ^^ *grins* *hums Introvert Extravert***_

_**L-C: you are evil incarnate!**_

_**MM: Yay *bounces* I have been given a purpose =] annoying the Lici-Child will my life's plan now *dances***_

_**L-C: that's a depressing life. **_

_**MM: But its an amusing one. Especially when hearing the escapades of the rolling-tripping-faling down the stairs at school ^^**_

_**L-C: i don't need your nonsense, i have enough on my own. I do not need you assistance to embarass myself trust me.**_

_**MM: *pats head* its okay, I still love you ^.^ :P Anyways, we should probably go on to the story now .**_

_**Enjoy...**_

**Shades of the Past**

_No, I can't take one more step towards you  
>'Cause all that's waiting is regret<br>Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore  
>You lost the love I loved the most<em>

He looked the same as he always had. Hair styled to perfection. Eyes a solid amber that were beginning to darken with dawning realization. Skin that was _too_ pale and _too_ clear of imperfections. Pink lips that used to send shivers down her spine. A graceful and solid figure even in his motionlessness.

And, whereas months ago, her heart would have leapt at the sight of him, now only anger and pity filled her and for every step he took towards her, she took another back.

"_Bella_," his voice was soft but clearly heard and it was filled with pleading.

She shook her head and moved further away, ignoring his family and hers as they surrounded them.

"_Please_."

Anger overtook her and she was filled with self-righteous fury that had been hidden beneath her brokenness for months.

"You don't get to ask anything of me anymore. You destroyed your chances of our forever when you left me alone in the middle of the forest alone in the rain after telling me that you didn't love me. You took everything from me and it took me _months_ to get even half of it back," her voice was low, filled with her anger, but not once did she shout or raise her voice even the slightest. "I'm not the broken little girl you left to wither away in the forest. I'm not your ghost anymore."

Warmth surrounded her as her wolf came up behind her and wrapped his large arms around her, creating a cocoon of love and safety. His chin rested on her head and his fingers traced patterns on her arm. She smiled softly up at him, her anger draining away, if only for now.

When she looked back, his amber eyes were filled with heartache, but he made that choose eight months ago when he left.

_And who do you think you are?  
>Runnin' 'round leaving scars<br>Collecting your jar of hearts  
>And tearing love apart<em>

She felt broken. Cold. Hollow. She shivered violently as the rain picked up, curling into a tighter ball on the forest floor, uncaring of the twigs and dirt that began to cling to her clothes, skin and hair.

_He left. He's gone. _

She didn't know how much time had passed since _he_ had left her there, but she couldn't bring herself to move, despite the biting cold that was seeping into her bones. Or maybe that was why she didn't move. _He_ was cold. But… it didn't feel the same. This cold just made her feel empty.

_He's gone. He left me._

"_I don't love you anymore._"

She shuddered violently, her pale and shaking hands coming up to clench tightly in her thick, brown hair. She ignored the pain. She ignored the cold. She ignored the world.

_Maybe if I'd been prettier. Maybe if I'd been more graceful. _

"_You were just a way to pass the time_."

_Maybe he wouldn't have left._

"_You're a _human_. Why would I love a human?_"

A broken and hollow sound left her and tears finally began to run down her face, mingling with the rain that already drenched her.

_I should have tried harder. Looked prettier. Acted smarter._

"_You're too fragile. I can't even sleep with you without worrying about breaking you._"

_He must have loved me at some point. He saved me. _

"_BELLA!_"

The voice was unfamiliar. Not _his_. She didn't answer, just pulled herself into a tighter ball.

"_BELLA!_" the voice sounded closer. She still didn't respond.

She heard crunching sounds through the rain. Footsteps.

"_Bella_." One word, filled with so much relief that she felt her heart break further. Why didn't _he _care enough about her? Why did _he_ just leave her alone in the middle of the forest?

Large, warm hands turned her over. They were wrong. The wrong hands. The wrong temperature. Just _wrong_. She made a sound of broken protest but the large hands didn't stop. The large hands were connected to large arms, which she was soon cradled within, like a small child.

She took no notice of the world around her, uncaring of the way the large, warm man carried her quickly, _too _quickly, through the forest. She didn't care about the rain soaking her skin, or how she was sure to get sick. She didn't care about the softly spoken words that couldn't seem to penetrate her ears long enough for her to understand. She didn't care about being placed on an ambulance stretcher or the worried voice of her father as he tried to reassure her, reassure himself.

She was broken. Empty. Hollow. Cold.

Before the ambulance doors were closed, she caught sight of dark brown eyes set in a handsome tanned face and a sliver of warmth tried to worm its way into her heart. But the doors closed, the eyes were blocked and the warmth was left to shrivel and an all consuming icy chill consumed her doubly so.

Darkness began to creep around the edges of her sight and she didn't fight it like she should have fought for _him_.

_I've learned to live, half alive_

Charlie was worried about her. She could see it in his every words, every action and every glace of his eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was doing just enough to keep living, but at the same time, she wasn't _alive_. She always felt cold, no matter the weather. Food tasted like ash on her tongue. Every breathe seemed like a shard of ice sent straight through her soul.

After two months, Charlie went from worried to angry. Angry at her, angry at _him_, angry at himself, angry at the world. He started to poke and prod with aggressive words, trying to find a button that would force her to react, but every attempt slid over the icy wall that had been built around her heart.

And so, Charlie went from angry to helpless. He just hugged her tightly, repeatedly despite her stiffness. He caressed her hair like he used to when she was smaller. He slowly taught himself how to cook, just so that he could cook her dinner. Nothing penetrated her barrier against the world.

Then Jacob came back into her life. He added a ray of sunshine to her empty, cold days and the outer edges of her shell began to thaw, but he never quite got through. He came by as often as he could, coaxing out smiles and laughs, no matter their strength. He held her tightly, like an older brother would when he stayed the night and she woke screaming for something – _warm brown eyes_ – someone.

So by the time four months had passed since _he_ had left her – _would he have stayed if she had been stronger, smarter, prettier?_ – she had become quite efficient in living day to day, a half-life, just barely living.

And she accepted that maybe that would never change.

_It took so long just to feel alright_

Exactly four months, one week and two days after _he_ had left, her warm brown eyed someone found her again. Or more to the fact, Jacob found him, or knew him, and introduced them, in a way.

It was after the near-death experience, as brought on by Laurent and the exposure of the wolves, when she was beginning to get ready to just let go and stop trying, that she looked passed Jacob – _her brilliant big-little brother_ – and her eyes were met with a pair of warm brown eyes that had been haunting her just as much as _his_ had been, set into the face of a large dark grey wolf.

The minute their eyes met, wolf became man and said man swept her into his arms as she launched herself at him, unable to stop herself from trying to catch the warmth before it was taken away.

The moment his arms enclosed around her small frame, the wall the chill had created around her shattered and all of the emotions that had been bottled for so long, her heartbreak, her sadness, her loneliness, her anger, her fear, were all released from her in a wave of tears that could not and would not be stopped.

"Don't let me go," she begged, her voice raspy and bordering on hysterical. "_Please_ don't let me go."

"Shhh," the man – _I don't even know his name!_ passed hysterically through her mind – murmured gently into her hair, holding her effortlessly in his arms. "I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."

And with those words, she held on tighter as relief coursed through her and as hope finally started to grow inside.

_Remember how to put back the light in my eyes_

When Paul – _Her Paul, strong, safe and warm_ – took her home that night, she almost didn't want to let him go and it was only with the assurance that he would stop in the next day that stopped her from getting hysterical.

She watched from the open doorway as he drove away, mentally and continually assuring herself that he wasn't leaving her forever, just for the night. She stood there watching until she couldn't see his car anymore and then still for another ten minutes before she had to mentally prod herself into moving, pushing herself from the door.

That night when Charlie returned from work, he found his daughter not so broken, cooking dinner – _his favorite, have to say sorry_ – and he felt his heart began to beat faster as hope began to build. He watched her silently for a moment, watching how she still seemed hesitant and slow, yet there seemed to be an edge of hope surrounding her that lifted his weary spirits. To make sure it wasn't a dream, he entered the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, kissing her hair gently and nearly crying with relief when she turned around after a pause to hug him back, nuzzling her head under his chin like she hadn't done in years.

The next day, he took the day off work and watched as she sat fidgeting, glancing from the door, to the clock and back and wondering what she was waiting for. When a knock on the door sounded through the house, he caught sight of a light in her eyes that had been missing for months before she bolted from her seat to the door. He followed after her and watched as she leapt into the arms of a tall man from the Res' with a bright smile on her face.

As he watched the man catch her easily and gently, reassuring her with soft words and soothing caresses, Charlie thought that if this man turned up to ask his daughter on a date, he would forgo pulling out his gun for the simple fact that his baby girl was smiling again.

_I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed  
>'Cause you broke all your promises<br>You don't get to get me back_

The first time they kissed, not even a week later, broke down whatever remained of her shell and infused her with a sense of hope and love and _life_, so much so that she didn't want to stop. His lips on hers were so different from _his_, and the simple comparison had her crying in his lap, unable to explain to her Paul why she was.

As she wiped the tears from her cheeks, she looked up at Paul's warm brown eyes and smiled a soft, reassuring smile, reaching up to cup his cheek with her small hand. Her smile grew as he tilted his head further into her palm, reaching up to hold her hand in place with his larger one.

She didn't need _him_ anymore. Perhaps she didn't need him at all and all he was, was the road that led her to her Paul.

As she leant up to kiss her warm eyed man again, she made a promise to herself that she would never break.

_HeHeeH__He_ didn't get to get her back.

_Don't come back for me  
>Don't come back at all<em>

The first time they made love, six months after _he _had left, it was everything she had ever dreamed of. There was no senseless rose petals – _that wasn't her Paul_ – there was no sappy music – _that wasn't her_ – there was just them, alone, in his room, surrounded by things that made up Paul and surrounded by his original scent that never stopped to give her a sense of security.

He held her tight to him, like she was make of fragile porcelain, but at the same time, didn't treat her like she was going to shatter. The simple feel of his skin against hers sent happy shivers down her spine and had her pulling him closer. He caressed her gently and looked down her with so much love and adoration in his eyes that she found herself melting and falling even deeper in love– _although she could quite place when she had fallen in love with him to begin with_ - with him.

When he broke her maidenhead, he did it with every possible care, holding himself still as tears slipped past her closed eyes at the sharp and abrupt pain. He stroked her sides and thighs and cheeks and eyelids as he waited with no impatience for her to adjust and when she gave her assent, he rocked within her slowly and gently.

Every moment of that simple experience was perfect and as they climaxed and held each other tight, her head rested against his warm chest, listening to the reassuring _thump thump_ of his heart, she prayed that _he_ never returned, because he had no place here anymore.

_I hear you're asking all around  
>If I am anywhere to be found<br>But I have grown too strong  
>To ever fall back in your arms<em>

Seven months and three weeks after he had left her, she caught word that he was back, asking around after her, having found that she wasn't at Charlie's most of the time when he had gone to her house hoping to find her. Instead he found a pissed off Charlie threatening him with a gun. After that, he was more discreet with his questioning and finally lucked out when a still jealous Jessica told him that she was on the Reservation more often than not.

Five days later, he managed to get hold of her number and called her. When she answered, she had frozen, nearly dropping the phone at the sound of his voice echoing over the line. It was only when she saw Paul getting ready to snatch the phone from her hand that she relaxed, reaching over to hold his hand in hers tightly.

He wanted to see her. He brought the family. They wanted to see her.

The only problem was, she didn't want to see him.

With Paul's assurance and warmth at her side, she agreed to a meeting with everyone in the forest on the border between the two territories.

When she hung up, she was unsurprised to find herself being pulled into Paul's arms, said arms tightening ever so slightly around her possessively. She was surprised however, to note that she wasn't shaking, she wasn't scared, and she didn't care.

She smiled, tucking her head under Paul's chin as she realized that she was finally strong enough to put the memory of him behind her and she was actually excited for the meeting that was going to take place in two days time.

She wanted everything to be out in the open.

_You're gonna catch a cold  
>From the ice inside your soul<br>So don't come back for me  
>Who do you think you are?<em>

"_You did what?_" the words were softly hissed, almost unheard to her human ears. She turned to see an enraged Emmett being held back by a disgusted looking Rosalie, although she wasn't sure what the blonde was disgusted by, coming back or what was revealed. "You told us that _she_ was the one who asked for a break! That she needed to think things through! You said you both agreed _at her house_ that you were taking a break!"

He flinched as his lies were revealed, but she just smiled bitterly and shook her head.

"It's aright Emmy," she said, leaving her Paul's comforting embrace the walk the short distance between them. "I've long since been okay with his leaving, because his leaving put me on the road I'm on now."

The usually easy-going man gave her a look of despair before he swept her into his arms.

"I didn't want to leave you behind, Bells," he whispered, holding her tightly, though not tight enough to hurt. She patted his back reassuringly.

"Of course you didn't, we're linked by blood," she said almost cheekily.

"Eh?" she giggled at the look of confusion on his face and the faces of most of the others around them.

"You don't remember your life before you were turned, do you?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Holding her up easily with one arm, his free hand moved up to rub the back of his neck in a rather human gesture as he shrugged.

"Nope. We think it's because I was attacked, you know? That I may have ended up with amnesia even before I had been turned and that the turning didn't change anything."

She smiled, patting his cheek, comparing the chill of his skin to the warmth of her Paul's and wondering why she had ever gotten with him to begin with.

"You had a son. A bastard son though he may have been, but a son none the less," she started, holding tightly onto Emmett's arm as he flinched in surprise. "Said son married and had a son. Who went on to have a daughter."

There was only silence as the words fought to commute with Emmett's brain and when they did, he very nearly _did_ drop her.

"Seriously?" he asked incredulously.

"Yup," she said, nodding, smiling over her shoulder at Paul just to reassure him that she was fine, feeling his obvious tension.

She giggled in surprise as she was suddenly spun around as Emmett turned quickly to face his wife, who was looking on with shock.

"I have family! Blood relations!" Emmett boomed excitedly, near bouncing on the spot. "I wonder if I can get in contact with them."

She heard laughter behind her and looked over Emmett's shoulder to see Seth laughing.

"Shhh," she said, holding a finger to her lips. "He's only a little slow, give him a bit to catch up."

Emmett pouted, but froze when he realized what she was saying.

"You're my great granddaughter?" he asked, arm tightening ever slightly around her.

"Yup, now, I need to get down, your making my stomach dizzy with all you sudden movements," she requested, tugging on his hair when he pouted and tightened his hold. "Come on, my Paul is getting antsy."

"Am not," grumbled said man, arms crossed and a scowl on his face, which only lightened when she was safely in his arms again. "I just don't trust anyone that's not me with you while you're…."

He paused, not wanting to say anything in the present company. She smiled, patting his hand gently before the linked their hands tightly around her stomach.

"Emmett would never hurt me, especially not while I'm pregnant."

Paul damn near pouted.

"You can't be!" hisvoice echoed through the clearing. "You're supposed to be mine! Not some damn mutt's!"

Any feeling of happiness at seeing Emmett again was flushed away, leaving a cold anger.

"You are selfish, cold hearted man," she growled, her eyes flashing darkly. "You play games and make sure everyone plays to your rules, and when they don't, you throw them aside. You say you don't have a soul, but you do. It's just frozen over from your inability to love anyone other than yourself. You are going to live a long and lonely life if you do not change and I have no sympathy for you."

He growled and took a threatening step towards her, but was thrown back by a defensive Emmett, who stepped in front of her protectively.

"I'm not yours anymore Edward. You have no place left in my life," Bella said, finally able to put her past behind her. She was stronger now than she had ever been before and she was on the path to a happy future which she would never give up for anything. She was finally _happy_.

Paul tightened his arms around her, leaning down to nuzzle her neck lightly, both for his benefit and to the purpose of pissing Edward off.

She didn't know how things were going to play out in the future, or how the vampires she thought of as family would play a part of it, but for now, she was content to watch as the man who had torn her apart was verbally and physically torn apart by her enraged family.

Isabella Swan was content and she couldn't wait to see what the future would bring.

**_A/N: So what did you think?_**

**_Please review *smiles* it makes me happy ^^ If you send me pretty words, I will send you each a half eaten cyber tim tam *grins*_**

**_- MysteriouslyMe_**


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